Lei Wulong in Santa Strikes Back
by Mandrake Dragonbait
Summary: Stolen presents! Kung-Fu! A mysterious man in a big black helmet! My First FanFic. :)
1. Part one, or How to start a story

_

Lei Wulong  
in  


_**Santa Strikes Back **

_'Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house. Not a creature was stirring, not even a giant mouse in boxing gloves. _

Far off on another continent however, Dr Boskonovitch is putting the final touches to Yoshimitsu's new nose.  
"Try not to damage this one." He politely asked Yoshimitsu after he had finished. "This is the last of the noses."  
"I will try." Replied Yoshimitsu.  
The Dr released the clamps holding Yoshimitsu's head in place and allowed the mechanical ninja to stand to his feet.  
"Now my boy. Go and play with your friends whilst I clean up here. And leave your sword behind! I don't want a repeat of last weeks unfortunate incident with the that boy Susan."  


Outside the kids were playing basketball. Yoshimitsu loved basketball. He was much taller than the kids, so they all fought over whose team he should be on.  
"Can I play?" he asked.  
After some arguments he finally got selected for a team, on the basis of "Its our turn to win!" The game lasted several hours and was still going on when the Dr called Yoshimitsu in for his tea.  
"Coming Dr!" Yoshimitsu yelled.  
As Yoshimitsu waved goodbye to his friends he ran back to the lab. 'These are good days.' He thought to himself. 'All is well with the world, and pleasant, and nothing could possibly go wrong.' Had he not tripped and fell flat on his face, this would have been a perfect day for Yoshimitsu. 

"Will Santa come tonight?" Asked little Johnny as his mother tucked him in for the night.  
"Only if you have been good." His mother replied, and softly kissed his forehead.  
"Oh I have mother! I have been ever so good! And oh so twee!"  
"Then I suspect Santa will be waiting to come down the chimney. But he can't come in until you go to sleep."  
Little Johnny smiled and made himself comfortable. Within minutes he was fast asleep, dreaming of toys he may well be playing with the next day. 

"LEI!!!"  
The scream rang out through the offices as Lei Wulong entered.  
"You're in trouble now." Smirked detective Ping. Lei sat down on the edge of her desk and smiled.  
"I think he just wants to congwatulate me for last nights bust. We awested 16 dwug dealers."  
Lei stuck his finger through a bullet hole in his sleeve.  
"They almost shot me." He said.  
"Awwww…you poor thing." Said Ping. "Want mommy to kiss it better?"  
Lei smirked. "If I had known you would offer, I would have let them beat me up a bit too."  
"LEI!!!" Came the yell again as the Chief threw the door of his office open. "GET IN HERE!!!"  
"I think you had better get going." Smiled Ping. "He sounds serious. He's using three explanation marks."  
"I guess he is weally excited about giving me my medal." 

"There there." Soothed Dr Boskonovitch as Yoshimitsu cried the last of his tears. "I have ordered some new noses. We will get that fixed when they arrive."  
"But that will be ages!" Whined Yoshimitsu. "I can't go out like this! All of the light from inside my head is shining through the gap!"  
"Its not that bad. I doubt anyone will even notice."  
Dr Boskonovitch pulled Yoshimitsu to his feet and pushed him into the dining room. "Now. Eat your tea and you can go back out to play with your friends."  
Yoshimitsu sniffed and began to eat.  


After tea Yoshimitsu went back outside to see his friends. They were still playing basketball, and Yoshimitsu forgot about his nose and ran over.  
"I'm back!" he yelled. "Can I join in again?"  
The kids cheered and all turned to greet Yoshimitsu, but silence fell as there attention was drawn to Yoshimitsu's nose. Several kids shaded their eyes from the glare.  
"Yoshi! What happened to your nose?" one kid remarked.  
"I fell down. But I'm ok now." Yoshimitsu smiled. "Can we play again?"  
"You can't play." Another kid said. "It wouldn't be fair. We wouldn't be able to see the ball. Its too bright!"  
"I'm sorry." The first kid said. "But it would make it difficult."  
"OK." Said Yoshimitsu. "Ill go and play inside with my King action figures."  
A tear rolled down Yoshimitsu's face as he walked slowly back to the lab. A crackle of electricity shot up as the tear passed his nose. 


	2. An obvious plot development

**

Santa Strikes Back 

**_Chapter 2 "An obvious plot development." _

"YOU IDIOT!" The chief yelled as Lei entered the office. "6 months of planning, and you screw it up in five minutes!"  
Lei closed the door and sat across from the chief.  
"I don't understand." He said cautiously. "Don't you want to give me a medal?"  
"A medal?!?"  
The chief pushed a file across his desk. In large, red print across the cover were the words "Operation White Dragon: Top Secret." Opening the file revealed details of a 6-month operation to infiltrate a drug gang and take down 'Big Red'.  
"Big Red's the guy we were really after." The chief told Lei. "He's had his gang running drugs back and forth for years. And after last nights deal our undercover guys were going to meet him!"  
"Oh."  
"Oh? Oh?" The chief nearly fell out of his chair as the rage took over. "We lost the best opportunity we have ever had to apprehend Big Red. Probably the only opportunity we will ever have! And all because you wanted to play hero! You didn't even wait for backup!"  
Lei looked up from the file. "I had to act quickly. They were almowst finished with the deawl."  
"AND ABOUT TO TAKE OUR MEN TO SEE BIG RED!"  
Lei recoiled as the chief shook his fist inches from Lei's face.  
"Sowwy."  
The chief seemed to calm down and went back to his chair.  
"Oh, you're sorry. Good. I'm glad we cleared that up. GET OUT!!!"

"So when's the medal ceremony?" Ping smirked as Lei closed the chief's door.  
Lei ignored the comment and sat down at his own desk.  
"Who is 'Big Wed'?" He asked.  
"You don't know?" Ping gasped. "You need to pay more attention in the meetings!"  
Ping made herself comfortable on the desk and began to tell the tail. "Big Red is the head of Hong Kong's biggest drugs gang. He's made himself rich from selling heroin to anyone who will buy it."  
"But why the name?" Lei asked.  
"He reportedly always wears red. And is pretty fat. It's said that you can't even think about dru…are you looking up my skirt?"  
"I dwopped my pen." Lei said, sitting bolt upright in his chair.  
"Whatever." Ping stood up and turned to go back to her desk. "Who ever catches Big Red though is really in line for a medal."

Midnight rang out through the house as the old grandfather clock began its chimes.   
"Bong…Bong…"  
Silence. The chimes stopped. The second hand paused. A droplet of water from the taps in the kitchen hung half way through its journey. Time put its feet up and stole a quick break whilst no one was looking.  
In the living room soot fell and scattered around the floor a little. After some scuffling noises a boot appeared. Then another. Pretty soon a body had stepped out onto the rug, and dragged with it a huge sack of pretty coloured boxes. An onlooker may have been pleased to see a jolly fat man appear. Clothed entirely in red and white. They may even have rushed forward to greet him, had it not been for the huge black helmet. The figure breathed as if hooked up to a respirator.  
"Darth. Are you there?" a harsh voice whispered over the intercom.  
"I am here." Breathed Darth. _(Just go with it. It will all make sense near the end.)  
_"Excellent. Continue as planned."  
Darth moved closer to the tree and quickly began swapping the presents with those in his bag. When he had completed this task he rose to his feet and turned back towards the chimney.  
"Who the Ho are you?" a gentle, friendly voice asked him.  
"SANTA? What are you doing here?" Darth enquired. This had not been expected. The old man was meant to have been and gone by now.  
"I thought someone was following me." Santa said, taking a step forward. "And what's this?" Santa reached down to the tree and took one of the presents. "This isn't one I left."  
A whirring noise went unnoticed as Santa began to tear the rapping from the box. Inside he found a doll, with pointy hair and a nappy. On the back there was a pull-string.  
Santa pulled it.  
"Show me what you've got!" The doll squeaked.  
"What the ho?" Santa exclaimed. He turned to Darth. "Why would any child want a Heihachi doll?"  
"This Christmas, it is all any child will get!" Darth shouted as he brought his light sabre down across Santa's chest.

Time returned. The clocks began to tick. The water dropped  
Lei screeched his car to a halt and stared up at the roof of a nearby house. A sinister, heavily padded, looking figure was dragging an equally padded figure across the roof and into a sled. Both figures wore red.  
"Big Red." He gasped. "…Two Big Red's!"  
Lei leapt from his car and ran to the house. Like a monkey he scaled the wall and was soon on the roof pointing his gun.  
"Fweeze!"  
Darth turned and dropped the fat burden he was dragging. Santa began to roll off the roof.  
"No!" Lei yelled, and jumped to grab Santa. It took all of his strength to bring the fat man back up to the top of the roof. The other had gone.  
"Lei Wulong…" The fat man spoke, but his voice was cold and out of breath.  
"How do you know my name?" Lei asked.  
"I know everyone. Do you know who I am?"  
"I thought you may be Big Red. But you look more like Father Qwuistmas."  
Lei laughed nervously at this.  
"You lie still, I will radio for help."  
Santa reached up and grabbed Lei's arm. "No…I will recover. But not in time. The children Lei. The children need your help. That man with the helmet, he is stealing the presents and replacing them with this!"  
Santa held up the doll. Lei took it and tried the string on the back.  
"I have way more money than you!" The doll squeaked.


End file.
